Words Versus Actions

Just the other day, someone tried to convince me that actions mean much more than words in a relationship.  That expressing how you feel in words basically doesn’t mean much because words are “so easy to throw around”.  While I don’t disagree that actions are a main expression of our feelings and the phrase “I love you” is typically thrown out there before it is truly supported by love, I have to disagree with his overarching argument.  I believe that expressing your feelings in conversation or written word is an important part of any romantic relationship.  
    
I mean, sure – when your partner bakes you cookies or cuddles up and holds you at night – that means something and lets you know that they care.  And when they get up and leave during a fight or don’t call for several days at a time – that means something too.  But I feel that actions can only go so far in expressing how you feel; and wanting to share the wonderful emotions you’re feeling around them (and because of them) is part of the joy in a relationship.  

When I replay that conversation in my head, I think what he was trying to point out is that negative actions carry more weight than positive words.  I think most would agree here.  If your partner says they love you but continuously hurt your feelings, you’d probably feel that their actions just don’t support their words and you’d believe their actions.  But in order for his stance to be completely true, positive actions would have to mean more than negative words.  If your partner constantly says that they aren’t sure how they feel about you and your relationship but you seem to have a good time together, would you feel comfortable with how they feel?  I wouldn’t.

Yes, talk CAN be cheap.  But I think that words do play a valid role in sharing how you feel.  I mean, baking cookies or cuddling can be interpreted so many different ways.  How can you estimate the intensity of the action (couldn’t cuddling just be “I like you a little”)?  This is where words are important.  Of course I cherish when my partner shows me that they care, but I don’t think I’m alone when I say that I still need to hear it every once in a while.  

Different people place a different amount of weight on words versus actions, but I believe both are essential in a relationship.  If your partner never openly shares how they feel about you, you may begin to question their commitment.  From my experience, once you start developing a deeper connection with someone, it’s almost difficult NOT to want to share how you feel with them.  But all in all, regardless of whether you deem actions or words as more telling of your partner’s feelings, the essential point is that both your words and actions are pointed in the same direction.